Friendship

"Losing someone who doesn't appreciate you or respect you is not a loss but a gain"

Recently I've been thinking about friendship and how sometimes it doesn't work out even when you try really hard to stick it out. I guess I've been thinking of it a lot because I've been forming these really great friendships and relationships with people and as a result I've realized that some of my other friendships are really shallow. This realization hasn't been without the feeling of being punched in the stomach - especially when it's a realization about a longtime friend. I won't lie and say that it doesn't make me upset. I will say though that it doesn't hurt, it just makes me angry. Mostly, it makes me angry when I realize I've spent years of time on a friend who rarely spent time with me. It makes me angry when I realize that I worked really hard to invest, fill and enrich someone's life and I was left empty most of the time. I guess for me I'm having trouble understanding why I wasted my time and energy. When I come to these realizations I don't suddenly hate my ex-friend, mostly I just wish that it had ended differently. Mostly, I'm just sad that I couldn't make them see what a good friendship we could have had.

I think I've had these realizations more frequently lately because I've started reconnecting with people. I've actually been in a stable friendship where I've gotten a taste of how great a good friend can be. Maybe I'm learning that friends are seasonal and that they can be great for a short time but aren't always meant to last forever. Instead of being so angry I hope I can look back on my failing friendships and see that really good times I had with them instead of feeling bad about the way that they ended. The only way I can think of to move on from losing a friend is to count my blessings. I know that I have amazingly, strong friendships that are really fulfilling and rich. I know that cutting loose a bad friendship is really just making room for another really great one. And I know how refreshing it is to have real friendships; ones that are deep and authentic.

Those are the friendships I truly want. I'm so thankful for those amazing friends who I have. I know I've lost a few along the way, but they did have their good bits for the season I needed them...or that they needed me.